the trial regarding the trial

i am documenting this story for posterity's sake. i want to remember it and i want phoebe to know some of the details surrounding her adoption. if i don't get it on paper now, my memory will fade and it will be lost for her.

about two minutes ago, we received our 1600 preapproval from US immigration!!! for those who have adopted, you know what that means -- everything! we officially now can travel (like in about 55 hours). this is THE email we have waited for since july 17th to be exact. all through august and september, the first thing i did in the morning was look to see if THE email had arrived during the night. nope, not yet. counting the days. watching other blogs to see their approval date compared to their filing date. ours should be coming anyday. but it didn't.

i think it was september 19th, we received notification that our case, along with 8 other families, were on 'hold'. huh? why? and what unfolded turned out to be the longest, most time-consuming, emotionally-investing, heart-wrenching project of my life to date -- get this girl home. unless you have walked a similar path, i could never begin to fully explain what transpired over the next 3 1/2 months. to smoosh it into a sentence or two, here is what i'd say -- there was a man who was a security guard at the orphanage. he had been arrested back in april for 'buying' a baby. because he was the guard when our kids were abandoned, the vietnamese national police were asked by the US government to investigate his possible involvement in 'buying' any of our kids. it would take me all night to explain the volume of emails, correspondence, and phone calls that took place to ambassadors, senators, representatives, staffers, and other government officials -- and since i just figured out i have to be out the door in 55 hours, i won't take the time. it is pretty boring stuff anyway :)

and then the trial of the security guard happens on december 12th finally and he is found innocent of any wrongdoing, other than the one child in april, which it looks like he did for humanitarian reasons. very stupid what he did, but his motive wasn't. so after dec. 12th, we gave our government the documentation of the trial they said they needed to approve our cases. but they didn't. december 19th was a particularly emotionally volatile day between all involved parties. the boys had their choir performance that night and afterward we went to eat chinese with friends and a bunch of foreign exchange students. i sat by one of my very bestest friends ever and basically unloaded. i was so tired. so weary of battling a battle that seemed impossible to win. strength gone. faith low. just couldn't see why it had to be so hard. what lesson, what purpose was it serving? i just wasn't getting it....

...and then it was late when we got home. i checked email after everyone was in bed and there was the reason why. the reason why i had to have this trial in my life that revolved around this security guard's trial. one of the people in our little group had just emailed me. i had prayed for our situation, and her son in particular, on the phone one day about two months prior. she was now writing to tell me that my faith through this ordeal had changed her life. what? she felt a peace after that prayer that she hadn't felt before. she thanked me for sharing my relationship with God so freely. her eyes had been opened to my spirituality. and so on the day where i was ready to hang in up, distance myself for awhile from the impossible task at hand, God shows me what i needed to know. i grabbed hold of that email and cried. i told her my testimony. it isn't pretty. i explained how no other person or religion could have done what Jesus did. He changed my life. He protected me for all the years i gave Him no thought. and now He showed Himself once again at the exact hour i needed it. and to think that i had wondered, does He care that this is going on? is He in it with me? obviously He was, and is. thank you Lord for your absolute perfect ways. You amaze me. continually.